10 years ago I let a cute teenage girl piss on me in the shower. It was nice and warm. I met her again recently, and she left half a can of lemon Sanpellegrino in my car. As a performance art piece, I poured the yellow fluid which had touched her lips all over myself in the shower today. I call it Her Sweet Warm Yellow Fluid.

Last year I did a piece called Diamond In The Rough. Every two weeks, I went into the pawn shop, looked for an electric drumkit, then bought an old golf game for less than a fiver. I got PGA Tour Golf I and II, PGA Tour 96, PGA European Tour and Actua Golf. I stopped because I think the girl that worked there thought I was stalking her - the last time I bought one, she abruptly went through to the back and another employee came back and started asking me questions. A few days later, I bought an electric drumkit off Gumtree, so it all worked out in the end!

I have a piece in my living room called Big Red Flag. It's an American Confederate flag draped over the back of my sofa, with a Brazil flag draped over that, with a cute furry blanket with bunnies on it draped over that. When I have guests round, I invite them to make themselves comfortable on my sofa. As the night progresses and they move around a bit, the top layers slide away, revealing the Confederate flag underneath. My friends who know me well got a kick out of it, saying "that would be a big red flag if I didn't know you so well", and I get a kick out of the look on people who don't know me's faces when they notice it peeking through, and they start questioning this sweet, charming, nice dude who has welcomed them into his home