[HUMOR] Jokes about bees [FUN] (15)

1 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

What’s black and yellow and flies at 30,000 feet? A bee on an airplane.

What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea? A bee in a submarine.

What do they call a bee that can’t quit talking? Blabb-bee.

What is a swarm of really small queen bees called? The royal wee.

The bees’ favourite guns? BeeBee guns, I suppose.

What happens when a bee burps near the queen? It gets a royal pardon.

What is worse than beeing a fool? Fooling a bee.

What do bees chew? Bumble gum!

🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝

2 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Three bees fly into a pub and land on the bar.
The barkeep says “Wow bees, uh what can I get you?”
All three bees order a half drop of mead.
The barkeep finds an eye dropper and dispenses their order.
Full of curiosity the barkeep asks “So do bees drink a lot?”
The first bee replies,
“No… just enough to get a buzz on”

🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝

In a midwest honey tree, there was a comfortable colony of bees. The hive was in a big basswood forest near a flowery meadow, so there was a good honey flow every year. Nearby was a small town where the youngr bees could hang out and mix and mingle. Bees had lived in the same tree for generations, queen after queen, healthy and happy. Into this wonderful family a new worker emerged one bright spring morning. This one was not an ordinary bee.

The new bee loved the cozy nest and loved her family, but decided to explore the world. She headed east and (after doing brilliantly on her SAT exams) attended Harvard. She quickly earned three PhDs – medicine, philosophy, and geophysics. She was so smart and popular that folks said she should run for president. She did and she won.

In her first term, she brought about world peace. As a bee, she knew a lot about nutrition, so she encouraged people to eat more honey and less sugar. People became healthier. As a geophysicist, she figured out a way to stop earthquakes. As a medical scientist, she funded the right people and they discovered a cure for cancer. She was wildly popular, so she was easily re-elected. Her achievements were even greater over the next four years. People wanted her to run for a third term, of course, but there were rules against that, so she said no, she’d retire.

Retired from saving the world and making the country strong, safe, and healthy, the bee suddenly remembered the cozy little nest back in the woods by the little town. She missed her sisters and decided to fly home. The reception was wonderful. Her friends took her to town for celebration drinks. The first pub had great beer but there was a long, long line, so after waiting for an hour to get in, they all flew off to another watering hole. It served cider. But again, the line to get in was much too long. So they flew off again, this time to get some fruit punch. They were in luck. When they finally reached the place, there was no punch line.

3 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

What do you do with a limp wasp? Take it to a waspital. Or, step on it a second time.

4 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

What do you call a bee with messy hair? A Frizz-bee.

What goes zzub-zubb when it travels? A bee flying backwards.

What do unionized bees ask for? More honey and shorter working flowers.

If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye? Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What is the last thing to go through a bee’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its stinger.

A man who went into a pet shop and said “I’d like to buy a bee please.”
“A bee? we don’t sell bees.”
“Well you’ve got one in your window … “

What’s a bee use to style her hair? Her honey comb, of course.

What’s a Bear without an ear? A B, I guess.

Why did the bee go to the dermatologist? It had hives.

5 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Why was the bee so hard to understand? It was a mumble bee.

6 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Where is a flea that rides a bee that is sitting on a racing dog? The flea is on a greyhound buzz.

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs.

Why do bees buzz? Because they can’t whistle.

Where does a bee keep its old hives? In a wax museum.

What does a bee take along when it’s out in the rain? A little yellow jacket.

What does a honey bee never like to see in her wardrobe? Little yellow jackets.

What is small, black and yellow, and drops things? A fumble bee.

What is a baby bee? Just a little hum bug.

What bee keeps you healthy? Vitamin Bee.

What kind of bees are the smartest? Spelling bees.

What’s more dangerous than being a fool? Fooling a bee.

7 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

When a bee is in your hand, what’s in your eye? Beauty–it’s in the eye of the bee-holder!

Who is the bees favourite composer? Bee-thoven.

What kind of bee is born in the spring? A May bee. Or a May bee not.

When LL Langstroth invented the modern beehive, there were a lot of old fashioned beekeepers who didn’t think it would work. They were skep-tics.

Why did the queen bee kick out all the male bees? Well, it was fall. And the males were droning on and on and on.

What TV channel do Canadian bees watch? See, bee, see!

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

What is a bee’s favorite flower? Bee-gonias!

What do you call a bee that eats too much? Chubb-bee.

Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archives.

How do bees make money? They cell their honey!

8 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Spring has sprung,
But the bees are not swarming…
Could this be caused
by global warming?

9 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Other famous beekeepers:
To bee or not to bee – Shakespeare
To do is to bee – Nietzsche
To bee is to do – Sartre
Do bee do bee do – Sinatra

10 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going.
“Really bad,” said the second bee. “The weather has been really wet and damp. There aren’t any flowers or pollen, so I can’t make any honey.”
“No problem,” said the first bee. “Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. There’s a Bar Mitzvah going on. There are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.”
“Thanks for the tip,” said the second bee and flew away.
A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked, “How’d it go?”
“Fine,” said the second bee, “It was everything you said it would be.”
“Uh, what’s that thing on your head?” asked the first bee.
“That’s my yarmulke,” said the second bee. “I didn’t want them to think I was a wasp.”

11 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Q: What’s a WASP’s idea of social security?
A: An ancestor on the Mayflower.
Q: Why did God create WASPs?
A: Someone has to buy retail!

12 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

A traveler wandering on an island inhabited by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains sorted out according to source. The sign in the shop read:

Artists’ Brains $9/lb
Philosophers’ Brains $12/lb
Scientists’ Brains $15/lb
Beekeepers’ Brains $100/lb

Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, “My, those beekeepers’ brains are expensive – they must be very powerful!” The butcher replied, “Not really. They’re expensive because it takes so many beekeepers to get one pound of brains!!”

13 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Where does a bee go on vacation?

  • The country of Stingapore!

14 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]


15 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Do you know any other good bee / beekeeper jokes, anon?

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