A girl asks the main character out.
So they thought...
No, the story sucks and has come to an end.
Constance Justice, a single, mini-skirt-wearing attorney, leaves her New York City apartment to meet with her colleagues for lunch at a recently opened Italian restaurant. She has been wanting to go there ever since it was given a 5-star rating in one of the trashy women's magazines she is subscribed to. She hails for a cab, but as soon as she opens the car door, she is met face-to-face with the most repulsive, gut-wrenching sight that she has come across this month. This encounter was going to ruin her day for sure.
" Screamed the short, overweight turkish cab driver, before speeding off into the night.
Standing there by the side of the road, alone, Constance was struck with the sudden revelation that she was, in fact, merely a character in a poorly-written story - and not even an important character, at that! She had been shoe-horned in at the last second with nary a thought given to what would become of her.
The loli of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Eurydice, was to carry Excalibur.
Strange lolis lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.
But what if it was?
It turned out that it wasn't.
Appendix A is a monograph exploring various social effects of a government system based on strange lolis lying in ponds distributing swords. It is far from exhaustive.
However, Moe A. Blob, a certain reader of this aforementioned Appendix, still manages to be exhausted by it.
Moe, exhausted by the aforementioned appendix, decides to read a different book instead.
The plot of the new book is as follows:
The main character asks a girl out.
The main character is a shoggoth.
The girl is actually a swarming mass of fiddler crabs inhabiting a recently-deceased corpse.
The girl politely refuses the shoggoth's advances, citing an urgent need to focus on disproving the Riemann hypothesis.
The shoggoth persists, interpreting the mysteriously deleted Post #69 as a sign that lewd things should occur.
Lewd things occur.
Lewd things such as "hand holding, walks on the beach, full bodied pressed hugging, butterfly kisses, deep gazing into each other's soul, and butt touching."
The butterflies misinterpret kissing as a declaration of war.
A vicious swarm of butterflies mortally wounds the shoggoth.
The necrodwelling fiddler crabs revive the shoggoth using the special technique alluded to in chapter >>74.
Dubs
Within the amass of fiddler crabs, an uprising seems to be occurring among the lower hierarchy (mainly the carbs that imitate the lower legs and feet.) The fiddler crab who represents four of the toes, has grown strong. He thinks he can accumulate his fellow fiddlers into taking over the brain of the operation.
Far away, in an unspecified unholy citadel, someone bumps a thread.
The thread is immediately flooded with a swarm of angry, post-modernist bees
The bees begin debating the merits of debating
The mass-debating bees are interrupted by a mass debate of another kind as various fat, sweaty men claiming to be lolis invade the discussion with their talk of underwear and tea parties.
A passing witch, in a capricious mood, transmogrifies all of the men into the lolis that they are at heart.
A roaming warlock, in a mischievous mood, curses all the lolis so that their teacups might forever stay empty of tea.
The lolis wail in despair.
The wailing attracts a wandering magician.
Girls we can just pretend to have tea
," says the magician, sitting down to join the lolis.
Sip
The magician teaches the lolis a spell where they close their eyes, stick out their tongue, and shake an imaginary salt shaker onto their tongues. In this way they are able to taste salt
The magician asks the lolis for help with a very special magic spell, wherein they have to suck salad cream out of a hose while blindfolded.
The witch and warlock put aside their differences and proceed to beat the magician with large sticks.
The magician enjoys this thoroughly, and proceeds to cry out in pleasure. The witch and the warlock, being sexually inhibited, find this uncomfortable, and decide to summon Delaware and her 70 lolis to keep things from getting too lewd.
The lolis join hands and combine to form a magical stirring stick. Delaware then uses her magic to seal the magician's soul into it.
As his soul is being sucked out of his body, the magician objects that Delaware is from the previous story, and that she died and also became a Buddhist nun in Tibet, and isn't supposed to be here!
The magician's protests are lost through the process, and he has effectively been sealed into the sacred instrument. The stirring stick then separates back into 70 lolis, each carrying a seventieth of the magician's soul.
Delaware's loli militia disperses into the crowd of transmogrified men, which had gathered around the scene without anyone noticing.