Declaration of the Founding of the New #jpsie Brotherhood of Poop (88)

1 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

On this glorious day, We, the finest poopers in all of #jp, came together to proclaim our united glory and formed an unassailable cabal of poopers. All who prove their prowess as the finest poopers in the land are free to join.

No pissers allowed.

39 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

ヽ(・∀・)ノ●pooopヽ(・∀・)ノ●pooopヽ(・∀・)ノ●pooop

40 Post deleted by user.

41 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

                人
               (__)
              (__)
              ( __ )
              ( ・∀・ ) Our memories are made of poop.
                U   U What else can we so reliably produce
              │  │            in our day-to-day lives?
            / ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄\
           |二二二二二二二|
           |  ∴・゚∴。・  |


     人
    (__)
    (__) ∩ / ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄\
   ( ´∀`)/ < But how could we apply this to our daily lives, teacher? │
 _ / /   /   \_______________________/
\⊂ノ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄\
 ||\        \
 ||\|| ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄||
    .|| ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄||


              人
             (__)
            (__)
           ( __ )
            (´Д` )   / ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄\
           /   \ < We must save our poop as if it were a piece of ourselves. │
           ||  ||  \________________________/
           ||  ||
       __ //_//___
     /  //  //      /
   /     ̄    ̄      //    
   || ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄||  ||    
   || ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄||  ||    
   ||   ∬∬ ∬∬   ∬∬  ||  ||    
   ||  (__)(__) (__) ||

42 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Coming from a pooping veteran such as myself, the latest trend among us vets is this, holding the poop in.
That's right, holding the poop in. This is the vet's way of pooping.
Holding in poop means the right texture and it comes out easily. But on the other hand it's hard to time right. This is the key.
And then, it slides out nicely. This is unbeatable.
However, if you hold poop in then there is danger that it'll become impossible to wipe hell and you will have to sit on the toilet for hours and hours and hours until every spot is gone and you still have to poop after; it's a double-edged sword.
I can't recommend it to amateurs.
What this all really means, though, is that you, >>1, should just stick with pooping the second you get the urge.

43 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

So I went to the bathroom today. You know, the bathroom?

44 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots. You don't just poop because you feel like it, fool.

45 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

>>44
Then enlighten us, pooper.

46 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

who doesn't like poop?

47 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Who in the world shits with extra liquid nowadays, you moron? I want to ask him, "do you REALLY want to shit with extra liquid?" I want to interrogate him. I want to interrogate him for roughly an hour.

48 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

I only eat one meal a day so sometimes I'll go for days without shitting.

49 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.
i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.
the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

50 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

         n    人     人     n
       (ヨ )  (_ )   (_ )   ( E)
       / |  (__)   (__)   | ヽ  50GET!! GOOD JOB!!!
       \人/( ・∀・)∩(・∀・ )ヽ/  人
   _n    (_ )u    ( ⌒)   uu)∩_  (_ )
  ( l   (__)    ./,. 人     i ,,E)__)
   \ \ (・∀・ )   / /_)   ./ .ノ( ・∀・ )    n
    ヽ___ ̄ ̄  )   / /____) ,/ ./ ̄    \    ( E)
    / ̄| .  人 / / ・∀・)  / フ 人  ./ヽ ヽ_//
    |  |. (__)       /   (__)   \_///  
    |  |. (__)\  人 ヽ    (__)    / /人 
  ,―    \( ・∀・)  (__)    ∩ ・∀・)∩  ./   .(__)  
 | ___)   |  ノ   (__)    〉    _ノ  / ∩(__)  
 | ___)   |)_)  (,,・∀・)   ノ ノ  ノ   / .| ( ・∀・)_ 
 | ___)   |      ( O┬O   .し´(_)  .// |    ヽ/ 
 ヽ__)_/  ≡ ◎-ヽJ┴◎

51 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

I'm constipated...
Uoooooh...
It's coming...

52 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

farted

53 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

shidded

54 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

sharted

55 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

test

56 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of this thread

57 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Are you SURE?

58 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Yes, I am sure

59 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Wow

60 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

I have to be on stage in 4 minutes and I can't stop pooping, writing this from the restroom

61 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

I have no way to understand poop (conceptually)

62 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Milk makes me shit uncontrollably, but I can't stop drinking it!!

63 Name: Uzumaki Itachi [Del]

Lmao how how does this site work

64 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

>>63

you find out...... :)

65 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

You can do magic and accidentally turn yourself into the toilet bowl on a girl's toilet at hogwarts. Who would be your first user?

66 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

youtube.com/watch?v=-iuikLjpWpY

67 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

youtube.com/watch?v=IgAF5utFLRI

68 Post deleted by user.

69 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Toilet paper is not perfectly square. If you were to divide one "square" of toilet paper into a square and rectangle, the length of the rectangle would be ~1/6.5 of the length of the square.

70 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

The word toire (トイレ) is an abbreviated form of the English language word "toilet" and is used both for the toilet itself and for the room where it is located.

A common euphemism is otearai (お手洗い, lit. hand-washing). This is similar to the usage in US English of "washroom", which literally means a room where something is washed, and "toilet", which literally refers to the act of self-cleaning. (However, in Canada, "washroom" is equivalent to US "restroom.") It is also common to see another loan translation, keshōshitsu (化粧室, lit. powder room), on signs in department stores and supermarkets, as well as accompanying the public toilet pictogram.

The plain word for toilet is benjo (便所, place of convenience or place of excrement), from the word ben (便) meaning "convenience" or "excrement", and this word is fairly common. It is often used in elementary schools, public swimming baths, and other such public places, and is not especially impolite, although some may prefer to use a more refined word. In many children's games, a child who is tagged "out" is sent to a special place, such as the middle of a circle, called the benjo. Japanese has many other words for places reserved for excretory functions, including kawaya (厠) and habakari (憚り), but most are rare or archaic.

The toilet itself—that is, the bowl or in-floor receptacle, the water tank, et cetera—is called benki (便器). The toilet seat is benza (便座). A potty, either for small children or for the elderly or infirm, is called omaru (sometimes written 御虎子).

The Japan Toilet Association celebrates an unofficial Toilet Day on November 10, because in Japan the numbers 11/10 (for the month and the day) can be read as ii-to(ire), which also means "Good Toilet".

Toto, an abbreviation of the company Tōyō Tōki (東洋陶器 Oriental Ceramics) which manufactures toilets, is used in Japanese comics for visually indicating toilets or other things that look like toilets.

71 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

i feel like pooping!

72 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

I am proud to sit my American ass on one of Japan's finest TOTO toilets. America and Japan, the biggest engineering nations in the world. You can't beat a TOTO. All respect to Japan for the porcelain that supports my weight. The heavy load goes down easily after a few burgers and a late night snack couldn't hurt with a quiet flush.

73 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

You brag of defecation but do you even toilet RTA?

74 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

What is RTA?

75 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

thank god we all have names again now, instead of merely pooper tags. it was getting a bit too scatological on the non-pooper threads

76 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

>>74
Real Time Attack. In other words, a speedrun.
Butt on the seat the second you feel it coming. You're done wiping by the time it comes out. You're done washing your hands by the time you flush. But that's only the tip of the turd. Just barely gets you in the league. It's all systematic. Sit poop wipe wash. But you need to be fast. Do it in one motion. That's the theory, anyway. Now there's toilet TAS (Tool Assisted Speedrun)es but that's a whole different story.

77 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

The Toilet TAS is so quick that you can only see the competitor walk halfway through the closed door before he suddenly starts walking out the door.

78 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Mom found my Toilet TAS machine under my bed and she won't give it back what do I do I have a competition THIS WEEK

79 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

build your own n00b

80 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

build your own p00p

81 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

eat your own a$$

82 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

FUCK PI$$ERS!!! PUT THEM IN A PRISON ...

83 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

pi$$er, here.
i will not be oppressed
save the whales

84 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

a

85 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

will pøøp all over pi$$ers

86 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Let's take shits in the woods like animals!

87 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

Did you know that everyone and everything (except some mites) can poop?
Many animals cannot piss. Have you ever thought about that?

88 Name: キタ━━━━━━━━( ・∀・)━━━━━━━━!!!! [Del]

it's settled then, pissers are a failure of evolution

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