You have been stung by a bee and died.
You have no way of knowing how much time has passed since, or if indeed any time has passed at all.
You find yourself in the Unholy Citadel of 6ch. You see here the fucking bee, a choir of the damned singing the national anthem of 6ch, and meltingwax's BFF behind the altar.
To offer a sacrifice at the altar, go to >>2
To join the damn choir, go to >>3
To get back at the bee, go to >>4
Everything in your home is neatly arranged, polished spotlessly, sorted, ordered, and boring.
You get your pet, put on your adventuring boots, and hit the road with a walking stick.
A journey down a flight of stairs begins with a trip over the first step. Or something.
After wandering a distance of indeterminable length through timeless space, you see a shimmering light up ahead in the distance. It seems to be a settlement of sorts, a village or small town.
Stop for the night >>
Keep on running >>
WARNING: Read the following and say good-buy to your marbles!
(You have been warned.)
There are a lot of things going on in the world at all times, most of which do not concern you, but certainly some of them would be entertaining? The court jester has to eat, and why should the king be his sole audience? Hello? Your money stinks with the best of them (and the rest of them). Et pereat mundi, something will happen to you one of these days.
With no enthusiasm whatsoever, fake or authentic, you turn the lights off (it's safer that way), and get retarded in here.
Who do you want to be today? (And smile, you're on camera!)
A mulatto >>64 (Yay!)
An albino >>65 (Yay!)
A mosquito >>67
Your libido >>69 (Finding it hard? It is hard to find.)
No. Just no. You will not be part of this, insert invective here. Y U even taste? Get heat, get posse >>42
You load up on guns and take your friends to very distant lands in search of blood. It is time to to something as stupid as possible. Consequences welcome, authenticity is in short supply, and pain is more than just a state of mind: It is Nature's way of hurting you, telling you you're alive. So show the world your war face, or was it wart face? Whatever. Death goes down for everybody, and you could do with an easy friend.
Guts for the gut god! >>43
Feast on the guts of some candy-ass zombies. (Don't forget to break a promise!) >>101
Taste a shot from a shotgun. >>22 Bet it makes you smile. Grin, even, Glasgow-style.
Immortality or death! you shout as you swing your card-board sword and join the fray. You don't remember much afterwards.
Go to >>14
Halt! If you can by an electric pet, virtually indistinguishable from the real thing, what is to say that you yourself are not a robot, if not literally, then figuratively?
How cool would that be? >>9
Impossible! Do you not possess consciousness? Sentience? Soul? Free will? >>54
Good point. Better get something living, organic, not artificial, a living animal, not something cloned either. >>2
You jack off. You start with your right hand, then switch to your left, you play with your ass. You start doing it two handed, you keep doing it until you're on the edge. Then your ass prolapses and you die.
>>37
You gradually notice that you tie one on, get your slant on, get shit-faced, and get pissed. Unless you are American, in that case, disregard the previous sencence and it's misdirecting wording, you get wasted, smashed, and plastered instead. Which is also confusing, sorry about that. Naturally, you pass out. (That should be unequivocal.) If you were still alive, this would be the notorious night from Friday to Monday, but time does not exist here. Your hangover lasts forever. >>53
You say to the head waiter: Please bring me my wine.
He says: We haven't had this kind of spirit here since the late sixties.
It is getting late, do you want to check in for the night? Once you enter, you can never leave, you know.
That's okay, you didn't have any plans for the afternoon. >>25
Hell no. Find the passage back to the place you were before! >>55
On the menu you find every thing you ever did wrong in your life.
Hard to swallow? Tough. Make with the chewing.
Actually it is tough enough that even the cooks have trouble cutting it with their steely knives. They couldn't even kill the Beast. Little help here?
Get a knife, get stabbing >>43
Save it, it still owes you an arm or two >>56
You see angels/devils/72 virgins/Jerry Garcia beckoning you into eternal bliss/flaming rivers of lava/Dungeons and Dragons/The Further. You take a seat at your orgasm bench/your crucifix/the board/the cool aid and receive your enlightenment/brands/virginity/acid trip.
Now time to be reincarnated
>>1
Karen (sp?) looks at you with blank eye sockets. After a few seconds of tomb-like silence that feel like an eternity, he says that it might be a bit late for that. You have already passed on, and if the files are correct, you were brought over by a bee. If it is any consolation, it was a female worker bee. From the union.
You don't quite feel the way you've always felt.
You know, anyone can build what you have made, and better.
Don't let it bother you. Times are tough, and horrible, you just cannot afford to let it get to you.
Smile and not get worried. >>the_goggles (You gotta cool down, relax, take it easy, it's too late to worry. The Number Nine train is coming, gotta keep on running. Hey man, put that stop sign down. Let's get together, the night runs down.)
Take the white pills that anyone can find. >>66
Walk away. Again. Tell yourself you are above it all. You know it's a lie, but maybe this time it will take the pain away. >>68
Now that you have ascertained that you are not a machine, you take comfort in the fact that your universe is not a simulation, and your life not some cosmic joke, a pointless game for the gods to play. Only by not having purpose does your life have meaning. Deep.
Choose your philosophy:
Mind over matter >>70
Matter over mind >>71
It doesn't matter >>72
Nevermind >>41
If all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.
These cooks are wiedling knives, machetes, hatches, and also hammers.
There is no reasoning with them.
You resort to the only resort of the competence-challenged, and arm yourself to the teeth with whatever else is lying around, so you have a better basis for future negotiations.
Negotiations begin immediately.
Fight for it's life >>43 or your money back.
Huffing and puffing you run outside and begin vomiting profusely, you quickly realize as you walk over to the per shop that you have browned your pants several times. You arive at the pet shop and ask the man at the counter for a BLARGUEHUE, a... a
Bee >>79
Cat >>136
Loli >>432
Grim reaper >>133
Bottle of piss >>173
Rock >>801
Hitler >>88
Ten thousand razor blades >>37
Your beast has not yet returned from the tall grass.
You have to fight her with your bare hands.
goto >>4
It's a tattered old bag, I doubt it would be useful in fighting a queen bee.
It isn't, go to >>37
I'm worse at what I do best, and for this gift I feel blessed.
>>92
"Yo Mister White!" you hear him say. The heist didn't go according to plan.
"She shot me! I can't believe she shot me! Oh no, I know a dirty word!" Her gun is safely in your possession now. It was very considerate of her to furnish you with a weapon. She used it only once, to defend her car. In her defense, her car is fine, exept for the blood and bits of her brain. Soon even that will be cleansed with fire.
"Yo Mister White! I'm dying here! Take me to a hospital!"
The heist didn't go according to plan. Now he is bleeding profusely all over the back seat like a pig. (Do you smell bacon?)
>>100 Take him to a hospital, and trust that he won't sing like a canary.
>>102 Stick to the plan: Take him to the safe-house.
You feel relaxed.
Every sound you hear relaxes you further. Just you and the sound.
Your arms and legs feel heavy.
Very very heavy, like lead.
Every sound takes you deeper and deeper.
Nothing can disturb you.
Every muscle, every part of your body is relaxing further and further, as you drift down deeper and deeper.
You are riding down an escalator, slowly going down farther and farther, into
>It feels so good.
>Way, way down.
>You are floating high above the Earth, in deep space, looking out on the universe. Floating free in space
silently watching the movement of the stars.
Truth, beauty, longevity, and prosperity. >>73
Ain't nobody got time for that! Live fast, die young! >>74
A person is only as great as the smallest thing that disturbs it.
Therefore, mosquitoes are pretty great.
If you had a piece of soap, maybe you could catch one and draw it into your sketchbook, but you don't.
Mosquitoes are not apex predators - they get eaten by birds and spiders, and for good reason (not necessity).
They do, however, suck the blood of humans. Not for sustenance even, but merely for procreation.
They sit high above you on the food chain, mockingly.
Some say they were created to keep humans humble, but frankly they don't care what you think.
They also don't care that they give you malaria.
Maybe you find solace that despite this purposeless pest, the Earth is yours,
minus the parts deep underwater, which is the absolute majority of the planet,
and the highest faults, majestically rising above the breathable air with less height difference from sea level than the orb's eccentricity.
Yea verily, almost none of the planet is yours. And that you have to share with mosquitoes and bees.
If all the bees die, all humans will follow.
If all the mosquitoes die, everyone else will breath a sigh of relief (especially the horses).
It's a good thing you are dead already.
Where to now, oh mighty one?
>>75 The World's End
>>74 The Golden Mile
It comes on anyhow.
A group of hand people are standing around a theremin named Yeruchum Rose, singing the song of the midnight ranger.
This, is it. You won't be lonely. >>66
To live forever yo stop your life, what a pity you ended up here.
>>1
We want to be free to do want we want to do! And we want to get loaded! And we want to have a good time and that's what we are gonna do!
Tonight, we will be partaking of a liquid as we wind our way up the Golden Mile commencing with an inaugural tankard in the First Post >>1, then on to the Old Familiar, the Good Companion, the Trusty Servant, the Two-Headed Dog, the Mermaid, the Beehive, the King's Head, and the Hole In The Wall for a measure of the same. All before the last bittersweet pint in that most fateful, the World's End >>75. Leave a light on good lady, although we may return with a twinkle in our eyes, we will be in truth blind drunk.
Here we go again. Like it's 1973.
Get your gear and start to spend.
The moon and the stars, they look down on you and say there's a correlation between tomorrow and today.
Tomorrow's dream has never been a part of you. Shop till you drop, with total dedication! >>60
We live in borrowed time. Faster living, faster, live as fast as you're able! >>74
You wonder why you said that as time recurses around you.
Ever fading to black the shopkeep mutters something about allergies and the faint beep of the hospital fades in.
The familiar cold chill starts gnawing at your spine.
You want to vomit as you know what happens next.
You feel like your insides are coming up.
Then you wake up again.
>>1
Too good to be true.
But the truth is out there.
Go to >>107 and wait for the aliens to come.
The carpets are getting bigger now. Or maybe it's you that's getting smaller. Either way, your feet burn with friction. You plunge your sword into the carpet and it screams. Carpet guts begin to gush and you tumble over. The carpet folds over you and all grows dark. As the carpet rolls, you flip and crash, unable to control your own movements. It's all you can do to keep yourself from being impaled on your own sword.
Unfortunately you didn't see the train coming.
Even more unfortunately you died of old age.
>>37
The crowd loves you. In front of you is a big machine with lots of buttons and dials. You're wearing sunglasses, but the strobe lights are so bright you can still make out most of it.
Cautiously twiddle the serious-looking dial: >>45
Move the throttle-thing up and down like Scotty does when he's beaming someone aboard: >>66
Push a button that appears to be glowing tie dye: >>49
You are stuck in a locker. Through the vent slits you can see that in there with out is a pocket knife, an envelope some books and a backpack. You can't hear anything else going on outside.
>>85 Wait for help.
>>134 Attempt to open and read the envelope.
>>135 Attempt to read some of the books.
>>136 Take the pocket knife and use it to open the locker.
>>85 Bang on the locker for help.
>>137 [Okay, I've been banging on this locker for a long time now.]
10/10 PERFECT