It was a dark and stormy night,
opened his beak. And from his beak
emerged a cock with a smaller beak.
And from this beak, lo and behold:
a sharp sword covered in flames emerged.
And then, without warning, the universe exploded.
But this ending was retconned and non-canon.
We return back to the sword emerging.
This sword was basically a normal sword.
.. To the eyes of the mundane. But
it was in reality a sword of
bones. Not boners, as some may think,
but bones (and partly boners). The sword
was so flaming huge it could easily
be used to strike down a giant
nation! And he shall rule them all
like a true Pokemon master would do.
But then the sword snapped in half
and from the hilt cometh a hundred
cute little lolis, searching for their onii-chans.
But their onii-chans were not here, they
had all committed suicide due to the
delay on the new chapter of Berserk.
The lolis wept bitterly and solemnly vowed
to accept their fate at the hands
of the giant flaming penis sword that
had hands for some reason. Having vowed,
to never suck off another immeasurably small
lollipop, they found themselves quite unable to
gather enough signatures to officialy enact such
legislative action to protect the vow. Disheartened,
they organized a coup against the current
number of words per post. "Seven words
is Judeo-Christian numerological propaganda. Why not eight?"
They were killed swiftly and without mercy.
And by "killed" I mean "severely scolded".
Yet they were resurrected as gargantuan buttocks
That flapped mercilessly in the high winds
Unperturbed and unrepentant, the lolis decided to
remove all their clothing, as it
was made of spiders. Now nude, they
Knitted new clothes out of some spare
spider webs they found in their immediate
vicinity, and donated them to the homeless.
The loli pranced around naked on a
carpet of arachnids, formerly comprising their clothing.
Suddenly, the loli merge together into a
large undulating pile of naked lolis. They
start to engage in a hot mass-orgy,
which lasted about 400 years, after which
they emerged as lolis no more, but
hideous skinless insectoids, searching for their onii-chans.
But the onii-chans died 400 years ago,
dooming their noble quest from the beginning.
So they decided to smoke weed everyday
So they each took out their blunts
And then they died of weed overdose
But this was of course impossible, as they died 5 posts ago.
, wiping out all life on Earth. The
story, however, takes place on Earth 2
where the loli rule. The loli were
ruthless dictators, forcing the enslaved populace to
copulate all day for basic human needs.
``Why is everyone so obsessed with lolis?''
asked some sick gerontophile, immediately before being
struck by a spaceship containing alien loli.
There were no survivors.
Meanwhile, in the
Sacred Scalpel Hospital, Jeannie gets to hear her
diagnosis. "Jeannie, your Siamese twin has aids!"
"Wait a second, if my siamese twin
has aids, then-" gasp
She couldn't finish her seven words because
ayy lmao four twenty smoke weed allday
And thus, Jeannie succumbed to weed overdose.
Once upon a time, there was a
cute twelve year old little girl called
Llaura Llewellyn, who recklessly flouted convention. This
caused her to gain the attraction of
the organisers of the convention flouting convention
, a quite conventional convention filled with conventioneers
whom likewise recklessly flouted convention. The organisers
reached a convention: recklessly flouting convention is
itself a convention, and must be flouted.
Merely by convention, of course, something Llaura
flouted recklessly. She worries too much about
the crushing inevitability of death. If only
immortality was customary for reckless convention flouters.
Alas, some conventions just cannot be flouted.
"WHOA! ARE WE ON A DIFFERENT CONTINUITY?"
bob dole is very gay, so gay.
A single tear rolled down Llaura's cheek.
"Mom? Wy do I have two penises"?
replied her mother, pouting jealously. Llaura was
starting to feel funny in her trousers.
probably because of her two weiners. She
had difficulty fitting both in her pantsu
"Now I can't get married!" She cries.
Little did she know, there are always